Dissimulation

by: Uel Ceballos

I Love You...

Emotionally moved by your constant presence

Clasped in the arms of compassionate solicitude

I rested there in fetal curve, in my new orb with you

You tugged me out from the entangled web of doom

From what seemingly an inescapable derangement

Hand entwined, we hurried on our way out

From the intricate spun of paths that we were both caught into

A dose of sweet escape anesthetized us from the searing sorrow

Our analgesic to the scorching ache of our detrimental past

You were my asylum, as well as I was yours

We created an estranged world, a refuge for us alone

Until in one of those twilight you unburden the hidden truth

You plunged deeply into my heart the dagger of veracity

I was just an ephemeral deliverance from your concrete existence

But never would I be your lifetime reality

I have fallen once again in the delicate mesh of deception

For how could a fallacy finds a room where everything seemed so good and true?

For you I was just a sweet illusion, but for this I couldn't go on

This is goodbye now, forevermore...

Saglit Na Paglisan

ni Uel Ceballos, Circa 2005

Saglit lamang,
At aking ihahayag itong pagsintang 
hindi makabasag pinggan
Hintay muna, maari bang pakinggan?
Damdaming kinipkip 
Dalawang taong singkad?

Minsan nga ba'y iyong natanaw
O sadya nga yatang ikaw ay
nagbubulag-bulagan
Sa kinang nga naman ng 
Binibini mong sinisinta

Mangyari pa bang iyong masinagan
Pagsinta kong nagkukubli ng walang
ingay?
Marahil,
Sa balintataw na lamang
Kita'y maiibig
Pangangamba ko ri'y lubhang di maihip
Na baka pati pagkakaibiga'y
Matiyak sa pangil ng panganib

Kaibigan, akin lamang pakiusap
Mangyari bang huwag na sanang
pagtakhan pa,
Kung panganorin man sa atin ay
mag-ibang kulay.
Ako ba sa iyo'y lubusang makakaasa?
Na sa pag-iwas ko'y 
Hindi ka mababalisa?

Mangyaring huwag ipagdamdam
Saglit kong paglisan,
Sa pagkakaibigang ating inalagaan
Dalawang taong singkad
Gantimpalaan nawa ng iyong 
pang-unawa
Na hirap akong bumata sa ganitong
kahapisan.

Siyang dilag na iyong sinisinta,
Kayo sa isa't isa ay nababagay
Siyang paraluman na lagi mong sinusundan
Ng tanaw
Maging ako sa kanya
ay tunay na nagigiliwan

Ngunit ang pangimbulo,
sukat ko mang pigilin ay dumadaluyong
Nababatid kong gawang masama
Datapwa't paano makakalasag
Alimpuyong bumabalani
Sa sawi kong katauhan?

Dapyo sa akin ng bawat umaga'y
Nananambitan na
nang dakilang pagwawakas.
Pag-aapula sa pagsintang
Sukat mandi'y walang pagkalagyan
Bakit nga ba dati'y hindi ko
napagtagumpayan?

Ang pag-ibig, busilak man at mataos,
kapag lumalabis lalo pa't
Nadidiligan ng kirot
Sa dumadama ay nagiging matinik na
lason,
Parang dagitab
na nagwawaksi ng poot!

Kaya't habang batid na makabubuti 
itong ganap,
Pagsinta sayo'y kikitlin ko nang
mahinusay.
Huwag na sanang ipagdamdam 
Pag-iwas ko ng ilang buwan
Ito'y panandalian lang naman,
Pangako iyan sinisinta kong kaibigan...

Words Planting: The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector ...

Words Planting: The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector ...: Luke 18: 9-14 New International Version (NIV) The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector 9 To some who were confident of their own...

One day in my life...

by a confused 16 year old girl, circa 2003

The day was warm and tranquil; the place was quite homey, hospitable enough to soothe the dolefulness that was tightly embedding my soul. I looked around and let my eyes bathed the whole surrounding with such dazzled glances. I was sitting in a dark-brown painted bench. It was nearly 4:00 in the afternoon and the sun was now preparing to settle behind the mocking heights of the mountain. I closed my eyes and gently smiled.

I heard the nature clearly, yes; she was trying to calm me down. From nearby trees birds were nesting heartily as they chirped a beautifully remarkable sound. The zephyr wind kissed my cheeks with comforting tenderness. I opened my eyes with sudden quickness as I heard the bushes behind me moved. I gasped horridly when a white cat came jumping out while trying to catch the troubled grasshopper that he was pursuing.

It was a great idea to spend time here at churchyard’s most peaceful place. Very thankful I was that this place was already emptied. I really need enough space to thinks things out. I knew well how busy the life was going but sometimes I couldn’t help but mused on how days were vanishing so swiftly. It seemed like yesteryear when I first moved into high school but now our batch was already about to face the impending moment of graduation. I stood and released a heavy sigh, squared my shoulder and strode forward to the picturesque fountain that stood alluringly in front of me. At the centre of its circularity was a statue of golden angel carrying a beautifully carved jar where the water was flowing out. I faced the pool of clear crystal and saw my reflection staring back at me...then after a while a single leaf was dropped in the water, which suddenly blurred away my image...I always looked at life in its most complicated manner. 

Life’s at all times has always been generous to us but expect at the start that in each kindness certain things would be asked from you in return. There were some instances in my life where I was caught between two hard decisions – whether to do what I think would be right or to choose what I knew my heart has wanted from the start. The moment was badly depressing that I just want to sink from where I stood or just vanish from the midst of this very unpredictable world. It got me totally lost and confused that I had just said to myself aloud, “Is it really necessary to choose?” ... Yes, I knew, what a very absurd question it was. It seemed like I felt not likely to step out of the middle string just because I didn’t know exactly where side to go. I chose then to be a risk-taker and whenever I was creating a move it was always the beat of my heart that I followed. There was just a single thought that I was bringing with me always – that everything that occurred in our lives were all designed in an appropriate pattern and it just a matter of choice on how we would desire to deal with the tricky scheme, just only be prepared with the consequences because most often than not, surrendering to emotions would not serve you right enough.  

The wind gave a thud of whoosh that jerked my body backward. Having a terrible fight with my mom last night made it not easy for me to ask permission  so I just left the house without leaving any words. I remembered bitterly how my mother had slapped me for the attempt I made to defend my side. I broke the rule for a very special reason and not because I wanted to rebel against them like what they were accusing of me. I never meant to hurt them, it just happened that I did the thing which they were yet forbidding me to do. Tears started to fall down from my eyes for I was overshadowed again with tormented feelings. It was hard to defy the parents who wished for nothing but only the best for you and yet it was painful to give up the person who has touched your heart and soul...

“You are not yet free,” whispered a voice inside my head. My brain was already perplexed and tired. I tried hard to withdraw myself from the deep, stirring emotion but the intensity was too fierce to battle against. I tightly squeezed my eyes and sympathetically embraced myself as the west wind blew in a resisting pressure. I was scared  that I ran as swiftly as I could until I reached the threshold of the church. The silence inside was deafening and the force of its immensity was exerting something on me that I couldn’t comprehend. I dipped my finger to the icy holy water and started to walk down the long aisle. Every step I took was creating an echoing sound that vibrated to marble floor. I was just wondering why there was no one inside the church...no single person could be seen. As I walked placidly it seemed like my feet were slowly elevating from the ground. I was focusing to the quietness around when all of a sudden a group of voices bewildered me. Choir of cold voices was singing a mystic hymn but when I looked around for the owners of the golden voices...I saw none. Cold sweat dripped from my foreheads and my body started to shiver. The song continued and it seeped through the deepest part of my soul. I reached the front row seat and kneeled. I closed my eyes and put myself to the presence of God. The hymn that created a fear a while ago was now tendering my heart with enigmatic comfort. It soothed my despair that just a minute before was eating my whole within. The sound was too cold that its chills made me numb and it felt like the wound inside my heart was getting healed.  The cold sensation was replaced by warmth and it covered my whole being and lifted my spirit. I started telling to Him all my woes, sharing with Him all my stories and dreams, surrendering to Him all my emotions – it was quite a linger praying. I couldn’t remember how long had I spent inside but when I finally opened my eyes I found that the church was already crowded with people and the evening mass was already about to start. I smiled and realized that we should be grateful instead hateful when hardships came on our way because such would be a great opportunity to improve our individuality and develop the strength and courage of our personality.

I stood upright and walked my way out. Everything in life could be an adventure only if we let it. I smiled when I remembered a part of Ms. Judy Alice Uy Repol’s article in Inquirer’s Youngblood section, she said there, “Life is a mystery...we don’t always find precise answers to our questions. We encounter queries for which there are simply no answers. We can be struck dumb in the face of problems and by the realization that we do not know. And there are some things we may never ever know. Perhaps in time when we least expect it, the key to the mystery will be revealed. We may just have to let go and let it be,” Once again I felt the magic of those words that had once inspired me and then I remembered that line that strongly marked on me, “What are your Life’s greatest mysteries? ... Unfold it.”

Unparalleled Beauty --The Limestone Journal

by Uel Ceballos, Circa 2005

Running water. Droplets. Chirping sounds of bats. Hissing of various snakes. Heavy moist of air. Pressure of immensity. Dark cage. I live here in the magnitude of infinite silence. I count each day that the rays of sunshine seep through the small holes. One. Two. Three. I’ve reached billion times of the 365 day counts and right until now, every day still carries with it a glorious contribution to my entire being. 

Once I was just a rock, an estranged ordinary rock that laid by the riverbank. The splashes of water and the incomparable kisses of grass had nourished my thirsty soul. The wind always hummed making the leaves from the trees fell dramatically to my soaked body. Life felt good until one dark morning, a harsh storm came and set the water on the river into fierce currents. The swift moving water washed me away and had almost broken me into pitiful pieces. The river washed away anything that it could carry with its ferocious surges – soil particles and even the larger body of rocks. The forced excursion finally halted and I rested in underground corner of the earth where water seemed still but in fact just running as placidly and unnoticed as it could manage. Less noise and more silence. My new home. 

Each year I took in a different form and the transformation fascinated me to the exceeding point. I grew bigger and bigger each year until I became a giant whose hugeness echoed madly amidst the jailed darkness. Sand. Mud. Shells of tiny sea animals. Our fusion created unbeatable force and undeniable magnificence. Our huge feature embraced the strength and the promising loveliness that is irresistibly admired by the world. 

Our kinds inherited about ¼ of the Earth’s land surface because we are one great force. We are one bond. We are one voice. We are the magnificent limestone.

In a great process of which inevitable to the nature we have created a home. Rain water and ground water that carry carbon dioxide from the soil have dissolved some portion of me in a painless and meticulous manner. Thousand years had still need to pass before tunnels were formed and I finally became a great cave. The extremely long time process had worth it all because here I am in my best aesthetic form. On my roof, drips of water had formed the stalactites while drops of mineral accumulated and formed the upward stalagmites. 

Such mystifying wonders make me feel proud of myself. How can I be so lucky? I am blessed by this enthralling beauty that each eye in the world praises me with dazzled admiration. It has been billion years and I’m still counting. 

Now Brewing: MUSICAL FILMS LIVE FOREVER!: List of MY BEST FAVOR...

Now Brewing: MUSICAL FILMS LIVE FOREVER!: List of MY BEST FAVOR...: Being a theater enthusiast (and a theater artist sometimes), I’m also a big fan of musical films wherein the treatments are all so theatri...

Celebrating Epiphany ~ What is your gift for Jesus Christ?

Today, January 6, we celebrate the solemnity of Epiphany, a Christian feast that commemorates the revelation of God the son in the human flesh of Jesus Christ. The celebration also remembers primarily the visitation of Magi to the infant Jesus Christ that night that His highness was born in the manger of Bethlehem. 

The gospel today is Mathew 2:1-12 that tells the birth of Jesus Christ and the appearance of the star the led the visitors to the infant’s place. The reading tells us that the son of the Lord is sent to the world and born as human being. This is a sweet revelation that the Messiah is no other than Jesus Christ who came on Earth in human flesh. Thus, when Herod (the king that time) heard of this he gathered the visitors from the East and instructed them to go to Bethlehem and find the infant. 

These visitors then are who we referred as the Three Wise Men or Three Kings who visited Jesus Christ and brought Him gold, frankincense and myrrh. 

At this time of the year people greet one another a “Happy Three Kings” as marking the celebration of Epiphany. The discussion however with the The Three Kings or Three Magi is still being debated over until now. In the Gospel of Matthew in The New Revised Standard Version Bible, it mentioned there the "Magi from the East", while the other version like the Today’s English Version (or Good News Bible) said the “visitors from the East” mentioning nor king neither magi. Also in all versions, there was no numbers mentioned as to how many visitors were there but the “three” headcounts was based only from the three gifts given to the Holy Infant which were the gold, frankincense and myrrh. Debate has long been going whether they were really king or magi as the Church is teaching to the people.

Whatever maybe the precise details now of whether they are kings or magi or other persons of different ranks from wherever country or tribe, whether there were really three visitors that night or more than, whether their names were really Baltazar, Melchor and Gaspar or something else, there is only one great truth above it all – that those visitors had come to worship the Lord Jesus Christ and they brought Him a gift of great value and importance. 

We are commemorating the visits of the Three Magi not for anything else but to remember that we should also be doing the same and that is to worship the Son of God and give Him a gift that is of great value and importance. It doesn’t mean that we should literally offer the same as gold, frankincense and myrrh (because we don’t have that) but it pertains to other gifts that are within our capacity to give. It could be our time, talent, tithes offering, worshiping, charity works, and lots of other potential gifts that we could offer to Him. But most importantly of course are our love, hope and faith for Him. Thus when we truly worship the Son of God we do not worship empty handed but we got a special gift to offer for Him. If you have a knack for singing, offer to Him your voice and sing to praise His name, if you write well, dedicate to Him your writings and help spread the Good News, if you have lots of resources use it rightfully to help the poor, if you have so much time to give use it to be an active member of your church. You can give gift in so many ways and forms possible and you can always do this not just in times of Christmas but in each and everyday of your life. 

Now this is a question for each one of us, for this year 2014 what are the gifts that we have to offer for our Lord Jesus Christ? 

Happy Three Kings everyone and May The Good Lord continue to shower our life with lots of blessings and love. 

To God Be The Glory!

Nothingness

by: Uel Ceballos

For here I am

At the mercy of my own conscience

That while I behold the glorious vastness

Of the sky

I hearkened sincere and true to the

Whispers of my soul

But those I cannot comprehend,

Not with my human senses

For how can a mortal understands

A soul without a spiritual guidance

So I just let my mind adrift in

Nothingness

And look beyond the clouds

As far as my sight can get

I know I’m not a hopeless case

That’s what I think so at the least

For here I am

Battling against my own self

Casting away any pieces of guilt

That brings no help to make

Me feel at ease

For how can I go on with life

If I’m too powerless to forgive myself

I’m all too beaten to my own account

It’s me indeed who put myself

To such wreck

So I look up in the sea of white and blue

Hoping to find the answers

To end all my woes

I know I’m not a hopeless case

If that would serve at least

To grant me any solace