Martes, Disyembre 31, 2013

Things to be Thankful for ~ Happy New Year indeed!



Happy New Year!!! I just couldn’t let this day pass through without my dose of blog writing. For the past few months I have focused much of my blogging time to our newly started blog entitled “Now brewing”. It is a group blog dedicated to movie and book reviews – I guess further explanation of the title’s choice is not a necessary thing anymore. The title has already says it all – we’re coffee persons and self-acclaimed movie and book freaks. You can visit Now Brewing anytime for freshly brewed reviews (great, I just started my article with a promotion). 

I’m really excited for this 2014 and I’m pretty sure all of us feel the same thing. It’s a human nature anyway to have a natural inclination for hopes and dreams no matter how bad the things were from the past. Now let me warn you that this article is really something very personal. Just so you know right early from here that this is quite different from other of my writings of which often intends to inculcate a general message or thoughts to everyone. This is really more of me and of what I considered to be the highlight of my 2013. I really feel blessed that I can’t resist the urge within me to acknowledge it even through a simple blogging like this one.

So many things have happened to me this year and I looked on it as a stepping stone for more years of happy and fulfilled life. Let me give you first a little retrospection of that year before 2013 came – on the last few months of 2012 I was quiet down and loss on what I would want to do then in my life. I resigned from my job and refused to apply again for another regular job. I was depressed and broke; deep within me then I felt so wasted. But then as they say “Nothing is permanent in this world and the bad times too shall pass.” Many may see my decisions as something that is not appropriate or some of you may say that I could do better or deserve better than what I have achieved for this 2013 but men let me tell you this – nothing has ever made me feel so happy, contented and fulfilled inside than these following remarkable moments have done:

1. I LOVE MY JOB

Whenever people ask me now on what I do in life I feel a bit hesitant to answer not because I got nothing to say. It's simply because my answer would surely follow a brief explanation on why I engaged myself to being a freelancer when I could find myself a regular one. I’m working now as freelance home-based online writer – and my earnings aren’t that big but it’s quite enough to sustain me and allow me some few bucks to put aside for my savings. I’m also a theatre actor who is affiliated with community based theatre groups and that I would discuss on my next remarkable 2013 moment.

2. MY PASSION FOR PERFORMING IS NOURISHED

I feel so blessed to be a part of theatre groups who not only help me live my passion but also provide me a family whom I could call my brothers and sisters in arts. I’m connected to various groups like ARNAI-ACTION, Obra Incorporated, and Tanghalang Hulyo Beinte Tres. The year 2013 has been so gracious that it has given me a new theatre family -- Hiraya Theater Production -- wherein I earn new friends, new mentors, and new learning. 2013 is a year full of theatre performances and I really enjoyed it with all my heart. Being in theatre will not make you rich in money or in any other material things, but it will enrich your whole being. Nothing can ever make me feel so much more alive than when I am there in theatre losing myself in dance or singing at the top of my lungs. They say that only crazy people would stay in theatre – well small wonder that my sanity has left me quite a long time ago!

3. I FOUND A FAMILY IN CHURCH

The first main reason to which I owed my happy survival of 2013 is my growing and deepening relationship with Christ. I prayed to Him that I want to serve more and offer Him more so He gave me a ministry to where I could use my talent and passion to worship and praise His name. This 2013 I became a part of St. Peter Parish Choir and I’m so overwhelmed for all the opportunities that opened to me in there. I found new family, my brothers and sisters in Christ, I’m given chances to use my passion for singing and the Lord is really gracious and loving that He use the choir to improve my talent for music. 

4. WORKING MY WAY TO SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEURSHIP

Okay, now don’t think that because I refused a regular job means I would be settled for whatever “enough” I’m receiving as freelancer. Of course like anyone else does, I also dream for a brighter future to benefit my family and future children. Slow moving maybe but I can confidently say that me and my friend Jen are on our way to a more successful business endeavour. Our online shop Jenra’s Passion is doing quite well (though not really highly income-generating for now) but we have planned things to be more improved and developed this time. We have started it two years ago and we got no plan of quitting or stopping. The new fashion dictators will soon rule so watch out for that! For affordable and high quality dresses check Jenra's Passion now and message us for your orders (now, this is my other promotion! Hehe).

5. MY FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT IMPROVED!

And this is another of my greatest achievement this 2013 – since I began working, this New Year is the first time ever that I greeted new year with savings still left on my account. Honestly, I was a big-time spender, draining my wallet thinking that I could make up for it with my next month salary. When I got short of my money I went for my little savings promising that I would replace it (again with my next salary) of which I often failed to do.  If there’s something that I can be proud of myself now, it is that I learned to handle my financial far way better than the previous working days of my life. It is just so ironic that I’ve managed to save some bucks just when I’m already a freelancer whose earning opportunities aren’t fixed and continuous not like when you are regularly employed in a company. This is one of my treasured blessings for the past 2013 – the insight to value money and spend wisely. Don’t get me wrong about my savings, it is just a small amount but the big thing here is the wisdom on financial management of which no millions could buy. 

These are just few of the handfuls blessings that are worth million times to thank for. There’s more to life than money and material things but of course we all still need these to survive living and benefit from a prosperous life. But let’s not forget the much more important things that we should be striving for in life. 

I could never be this happy and fulfilled if not for the ever consistent love and support of my family. We are not a perfect one but who family is? I’m so happy that we spent the Christmas and New Year this year with everybody present  – my brother Keenan went home for holiday vacation so we are complete in the photo op! I wish for nothing else more but for good health, much deepened spiritual relationship, and more wisdom to guide us in each and every moment of our life!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF US!






Huwebes, Oktubre 3, 2013

Hallucination of the perplexed mind

In black and white they protest in unison
They carry no banner, they carry not a thing
All I see are their lips that mouth some words I cannot read
Their hands are raised up in the air in clenched fist
They seemed to be foolish; mad while they are marching towards me.

Thundering breaks into my senses
Shattering my world into splintering pieces
The terror of their voices cutting through my flesh
Pronouncing me guilty of the same sins they also committed
Are their roaring just parts of my nightmare?
Wake me up! The howling steals me out of my wits!

This place stinks of the capital sins
A hellish balm that enters my nasal passage hall
With infernal smell that sets my mind to spin adrift
I catch the mixed scents of those souls swarming in my vision
Sweet lavender fragrance that blends awfully with the stinks of rotten corpses

SITIO KUMUNOY


by: Uel Ceballos
I.
Standing there on their rooftop, Vince savored the sight of vast town lying on the east corner of the city. An urban civilization that mushroomed on the stretch of land, Bagong Silangan was long defined as the boundary between Quezon City and Rizal Province. Assortment of houses stood there upon the immense land, with some areas consisting of sloping roads, quite an indication that the place was used to be a part of the mountain ranges that surrounded the entire Rizal plains and Marikina banks.
Centuries ago, Bagong Silangan was a complete formation of rocks, hills, plains and woodlands. Very few people lived here, most of them gathered in the area which they now called Sitio Pugot. The origin of the Sitio’s name was believed to originate from a horrible incident that took place from long time ago. A lady who lived in the place was said to be raped by a group of men one evening. The woman was brutally killed and decapitated. The next morning, the people of Sitio shrilled in extreme fright as they saw the head of the poor woman, bathed in its own blood and dangling on the old Ipil-Ipil tree. Struck by the sickening bestiality of those undefined men who committed the merciless killing, the Sitio lived in fear that any of them would be soon the next victim. The paranoia lingered for a long period of time and the place from then on was called Sitio Pugot. The ghost of the woman was believed to haunt the place up to the later years, showing up to any passersby at deep night hours.
Sitio Pugot was situated in line with the other Sitios in the Barangay. In later time, some of the residents of the place would transfer to the far end of the land where the river was close at hand, in the place called Sitio Kumunoy. Near the Sitio Kumunoy was the sometimes placid, sometimes foaming water of San Mateo River. No definite story was passed on according to how the place had its name. Some believed that the woodlands of the Sitio were consisted before of perilous quicksand, making it a dangerous place to tramp. Sitio Kumunoy like any other neighboring Sitio, nurtured on its rich soil an array of fruit trees like mango, bananas, star apple, makopa, ala-tiris and a lot more fruit-bearing trees. Only few houses were stood, all of which were set in tremendous distances from one another. Before you could go to the next house, you would have to walk the long dusty road that scorched at summer and becomes a mud pool in the rainy season.  
Skimming through the entire town that he hadn’t seen for three years, Vince reminisce the yesteryears in the place where he had spent his younger days. He was in the midst of his sentiments when a glimpse of woman down from afar caught his attention. He saw a figure of woman at the river bank, she seemed to be dancing alone while holding a scarlet scarf that flowed freely on the air as she glided and twirled with the poise of a contemporary dancer. She must be insane, dancing at the river bank like some wandering nymph. Vince thought while taking a sip of his coffee. He was about to go back inside the house when suddenly a thought stroke hard on his senses. No way… could it be…
II
Gael woke up early that morning and laid his round eyes to the empty bed of his mother. Sniffing the morning balm, he decided to go out of the mosquito net in feather light movements. He wouldn’t want to awaken his sixteen year old uncle Osep whose snoring was thunderous all throughout the humid night. Gael gave one last glance to Osep in his worn out and faded Voltes V pajama, then he strode forward to the kitchen sink and gurgles water on his mouth. He lifted the thermos and its weight told him that their mother had already filled it with coffee before she set out for her morning walk. Gael had learned to be a coffee person at the early age of eleven. He was always drawn irresistibly to the strong aroma of coffee whenever his mother was boiling the ground beans. Gael poured the sweet smelling drink to his favorite disfigured mug. It was given to him by his friend, Lara for his eleventh birthday. The mug was deformed on purpose to bear it an odd look. It was like a tin can mashed badly on one side so the other sides were stretched out to various directions as well.
Right after filling his cup to the brim, he moved out of the house and gently closed the door behind him. While holding the mug on his right hand, he inhaled what seemed like a large container of fresh air, flavored by the icy mint morning dews. He gazed upon the mother-of-pearl gray sky and saw the small crack opening where the rays of lights were starting to seep through.
The morning scene at Sitio Kumunoy was always full of energy, similar to that high spirited prologue in a major Broadway Musical Production. As Gael proceeded on his way to the nearby San Mateo River, he waved and smiled to few people he met along the newly asphalted road. Most of them were the industrious morning vendors who dynamically stretched out their vocal chords for a forceful musical shout out of the goods they were selling. Gael came across two of his favorite celebrities in Sitio Kumunoy morning stage show. One was Mang Kanor with his suave bass tone that shouted “TahoooOo!” Gael thought that if given the right opportunity, Mang Kanor could become a celebrated Radio News Anchor or an excellent voice talent in radio dramas he followed every afternoon in the AM Radio. He often mimicked Mang Kanor’s tone, right after the old man delivered his prolonged single line of “TahooOOoo!” His second favorite was Nathan, a dark-skinned boy who was two years younger than him. Every morning at the break of the dawn, the whole Sitio would hear the Soprano pitch of Nathan shouting out “Pandesaaal” in sweet and soft delivery of notes. Nathan’s voice rang nicely to the ear that he could possibly be casted for another Oliver Twist musical film.
“Good morning Nathan, how’s the business going?” Gael greeted the younger lad.
“Still got more pandesal to sell here, people of Sitio are not buying much today.” said Nathan while balancing the box of pandesal over his small head.
“Here give me ten pieces please,” handing to Nathan five peso coin.
Nathan took out a brown paper bag from his belt bag and put there ten pieces of pandesal, freshly baked from the oven. Gael smelled it with his eyes closed, savoring the inviting scent of bread that Nathan and his father have prepared very early in the morning.
“You’re gonna sell out those pandesal as always. Just keep on serenading them with your musical voice,” Gael said while backing away from Nathan. The lad just waved back to him and proceeded on his way to the talipapa where people were starting to grow in numbers.
III
Gael walked his way along the rough paving. His frail figure was cutting through the dense of mist while whistling the merry tune of Batibot’s opening song. It was his favorite show on TV where he always waited for Kuya Bodjie’s stories.
He was walking on his cardigan short and faded shirt, holding on his left hand a mug of coffee and clutching on the right a bag of hot pandesal.
He halted on a distance from where his mother Magdalene was standing. Magdalene was there standing closed to the edge of the river’s bank. Her hair cascaded down to her waist on soft, large curls of ink-black, glimmering on the kisses of sun rays. She was facing the silent water of San Mateo River, arms outstretched in the horizon with scarlet scarf hanged loosely on her slim but muscular shoulder. Gael watched her mother glided and twisted gracefully along the grassy bank. Her arms swayed soft and light as chiffon brushing through the foggy air. At several times she would hop on pointed toes and wheeled on feather-light movements like some fairly-brown fairy, clad in silk, which flowed down freely to her smooth brown ankle. She leaped above the green meadow like an elegant doe in the forest whose beauty was famous on the woods realm.
“Mama you’re such a marvelous dancer,” Gael spoke out as he approached her mother on the bank. Magdalene was startled by his coming but managed to paint a smile on her thin lips as she saw her son.
“Am I really child? Why wake up too early today?”
“Tito Osep woke me up with his loud snoring.” He has already prepared this answer because he knew his mother would ask. He handed her the mug of coffee and the pandesal. They squatted down on the grassland near the edge of the water. Her mother laid down her scarf for them to sit on. She was a true Filipina beauty with her fair color glowing in the stream of sunlight.
“Nathan and his father provide our Sitio with tasty pandesal. I just can’t imagine a morning without a bite of it.” Magdalene expressed in delight as she helped herself with some bread.
“Nathan told me once that his father was no match to his uncle. The best baker here in our Sitio, he made the best-tasting pandesal ever,” Gael remembered the conversation with Nathan while they were walking home from school.
“Yes, I’ve heard about that also. Too sad Nathan’s Uncles has been long dead now.”
“Nathan’s uncle has been long missing now mama. But there’s no proof that he’s already dead. There’s no dead body of him that has been found.”
“He was missing for ten years now without a single trace. What best could his family think of but assumed that he was already dead?” Her mother answered without the least of emotion but just staring blankly to the silent water.
“Nathan said his uncle was both a great baker and a professor in a State University in Manila. During those times, his uncle Ron was a member of an activist group who fought against the Marcos administration. Nathan’s family believed that their uncle Ron was jailed forcefully among the other leftists. It was said they were brutally tortured…and some were killed by the Marcos loyalists. Mama, did such bad guys really live in this world?” Gael asked with his eyes full of questions.
“Son, nothing’s fair in this world. You will understand it better when you grow up soon. ” Magdalene brushed off the dust and grass from her son’s clothes and pulled him up to stand from where he squatted.
“We owed to those Quarter Storm heroes our democracy system today. I just hope things will turn out a lot better or else their death would result only to waste. As for Nathan’s Uncle, there are small chances for him to be still alive now. He should have shown up long before to his family, he must know so well that they are worrying. But he never did show up.”
“Why, maybe he had amnesia and was adopted by a good hearted family. Maybe, it was in a too far away land, a long distant from here and the family who fostered Uncle Ron hasn’t got the money to send him home. Well, how could they even help him if he can’t remember anything?” Gael was looking sadly on his half eaten pandesal.
“And now you’re too influenced by the dramas you watched on TV. Child, leave that worrying to the older folks. At your age, you must be focusing only to the matters that suit an eleven years old lad like you. Don’t force yourself to grow up too soon because I’m telling you, by the time you reached your adulthood, you would be long to be a child again so while you still have it, cherish childhood and make the most out of it. Do you understand your mama?” Magdalene asked while softly lifting Gael’s head up to look into her doe-shaped eyes.
“Yes mama. I will do as you said,” answered Gael, returning a sweet grin to her mother.
“Good, now we need to get back home,”
“One last question, would you really let Tito Osep pursue his college years on that same University where Nathan’s uncle has been?”
“Your Tito Osep, childish as he may be when he’s with you, is no longer a child. He knows what he wants and I don’t want to get on his way about his decisions in life.”
“He will soon join those activists who rally on TV.”
“He will only get worse than those leftists if I would dare to stop him now. Besides, that poorman’s University is his only key to pursue college. Our parents haven’t got the money to send Osep to expensive University. Maybe this would end the issue now child, c’mon we really need to go,” Magdalene started her way ahead of Gael. She wanted to hear no more of her child’s curious questions. When Gael finished his high school, she would also have him take the examination to several state universities. Gael would need to pass one of those entrance tests because Magdalene could think of nothing else on how to send him to college.
IV
They were walking their way home with Gael leading the road doing the swirl and leap like his mother was doing on the bank. His black rounded eyes crinkled sweetly as he giggled and danced his way to the street. He made a perfect cartwheel and landed on his feet unwavering. Then in sudden movement he lifted himself up to the air in a swift turn, his front knee folded and the back limb angled to a beautiful bend. His arms were thrust up to the sky with all fingers stretched open.
“Whoa! Look mother, I’m leaping like a stag,” Gael shouted in joy while throwing himself up. His face was kissing the cold damp air.
“My child, stags don’t swirl on air when they leap,” Magdalene said while watching his son. Her scarf was hung on her shoulder, swaying gracefully as she walked.
Magdalene studied the face of her son. For all those years, she had thought that Gael was her male version. But as the years were adding to his boy’s life, it was getting clearer to her that she was entirely wrong.  She could hardly deny now that his Gael was growing to the like of his father. The young lad’s hair was as black as hers but the thick strands were wavy as the ocean’s water. While hers were line of thin grasses, Gael’s brows were as broad as healthy bushes and underneath it were long, black, thick lashes that made his eyes more impressive. His cheeks were starting to get a bit gaunt and its mild sharpness matched his towering nose and soft, red lips.  Magdalene was quiet aware now that his child’s face would sooner look so much alike his father’s features.
“What’s the problem mama? What made you stop there?” Gael said while walking backward, his full profile facing his mother.
“Gael, look where you’re going! You’ll go against someone,” warned Magdalene but too late because his son has already bumped into a man, barely half his size.
“Ooopps, I’m sorry Mister,” Gael apologized to the man he knocked into. The tall, lean man towered over him, but he was smiling.
“It’s okay young lad,” Vince was smiling but he quickly shifted his eyes to the woman standing behind Gael. “Magdalene”
“You,” It was all that Magdalene could utter. Vince was smiling to her, but not a sort of joyful smile. She forced back a smile in return and tried to regain herself from the unexpected meeting. “It’s nice to see you again after a long time. I never knew you were back,”
“Neither my father until he saw me on the rooftop early this morning. It’s been years Magdalene but your looks never change save that your eyes weren’t as innocent and eloquent as before. It seems like they are hard to read now,”
“The same I must say with you old friend. Now if you would be so kind to excuse us, we’ve got some errands to do,” Magdalene said, averting Vince’s eyes. It melted her on the very spot where she was standing. The man’s presence made her feel so uneasy and the morning suddenly got warmer as her beads of sweats trickled down from her forehead.
“Not until you introduce me to this young gentleman with you. How old are you sweet boy,” Vince kneeled down to face with Gael, the boy’s eyes met his gaze and it suddenly distracted him.
“Eleven, Sir”
“He’s Gael, my son. Gael, meet Vince, he’s the son of our Barangay Captain, he’s back here after he was gone for such a long time,” Magdalene interrupted.
“Where’s your father, child? He’s so lucky to be married to your mother,” this time, Vince’s eyes were already meeting the stares of Magdalene.
“He’s not with us Sir and my mother’s not married,”
“Ah, I see,” Vince glanced back again to Gael, studying the boy’s features.
“Let’s go Gael. Your uncle Osep must be looking for us now. We have to go Vince,” Magdalene didn’t wait anymore for Vince’s response but took Gael in the arm and gently tug him forward.
“I saw your great moves Gael, just a while ago when you were swirling and tumbling here on the street. You reminded me so much of my childhood. I know you can be a great dancer in the future,”
“Thank you Sir,” Gael said with his head looking back to Vince. Magdalene needed to stop as Gael said thank you but she never cared to look back as her son did.
“Small wonder, your mother’s a graceful one and I’m sure your father’s a great dancer too. 

....to be continued






Miyerkules, Oktubre 2, 2013

True love can't be denied


I’m supposed to attend a job interview today. I confirmed with it yesterday when the HRD texted me of the interview invitation. Just like the past invitations I have had for the last several months I never show up even though I said I will. Something always comes up within me just night before the day of the interview. It’s not the fear of the interviewer, it’s not the fear of the job position or description, but it’s the fear of my own self and of what I’m up to encounter this time if I’ll place again myself in a regular job position.

I’ve been calling myself a freelancer for almost a year now. The last time I spent time inside an office working as an employee was August last year under a foreign managed company. My boss was a Belgian citizen married to a Fillipina for more than eight years now as far as my memory can remember. I worked there as Marketing Executive, setting appointments with the General Managers, Hotel Managers, and Food and Beverage Heads of various five-star hotels. The company is selling first-class decorative LEDs perfect for hospitality businesses. I have arranged several meetings for my boss to build up his products and even went to the meeting myself whenever my boss and his wife were out of town. I only lasted there four months. I submitted my resignation letter effective on the day of my submission. I just left it on the table outside my boss’ office then left the office in what seemed like a running-walking pace. My bosses usually arrived late in the morning so the moment they found my letter I was already on my way home. 

I’ve been to two other companies before I landed on that office operated by my former Belgian boss. On the last two, I lasted longer, spending one year and half on the first one and almost two years on the second. I know in my heart that I’m always trying to be the best employee that I can be. For my three years of working as employee, I was able to earn a pat on the back, hearing my bosses saying, “Congratulations”, “Job well done”, “Way to go”. But it also happened often that I found myself in a closed door meeting with them. Hearing words of encouragement that I could do even better, that there are still rooms for improvement if only I will strive for it. I always recognized those moments that my superiors appreciated my works but what always remarked firmly on my thoughts are those moments that they were dissatisfied and discontented with the effort that I was giving. 

Whether they know about it or not, I really can’t blame them enough for their views. Though I’m doing well on my job, one who knows me well really can’t claim that I’m giving great amount of percent to my works. I’m always half-hearted, meaning I always divide myself between the job that I need to do and the things that I always wanted to do. 

No matter how I tried, I just can’t leave the life of performing and my dream of becoming a successful writer someday. I’m engaged to Community Theater, playing character parts, often as one of the chorus or dancers. Maybe I can never be the leading star that I’ve been dreaming of when I was younger but I can never feel much more alive than when I’m there on the stage singing at the top of my lungs or losing myself in a dance. 

I’ve been trying hard to balance both works but things that way just won’t go in favor of me. Rehearsals after office works are terribly tiresome. Going home almost at midnight then having to wake up early in the dawn is definitely driving me nuts. Memorizing lines and songs while in the office half concentrated on paper works isn't just seemed right. Finally, after three years of enduring such kind of lifestyle I have set up mercilessly for myself, I felt tired and worn out. All of the sudden I just wanted to disappear and find refuge in a faraway place and restart a new but simpler life there. I can never be the best that I can if I’m always half-divided: my heart, my time, my effort, myself. And also, I finally accepted it to myself that I can really never fit in to a routinely life, with so much rules-to-follow on it. 

I’m a woman born for adventure and dynamic lifestyle. But whenever my sources of income falter and giving me much less in a month, I’m always tempted to apply again for a regular job that will give me a fixed monthly earnings. Until when I’m almost about to enter again that door of good opportunity, I look back on what I might give up and leave behind. The lifestyle I keep coming back for. It’s like being torn between a promising love that can give you much and the love that you’ve been with through thick and thin but promises you none of life’s comforts and luxuries. If I proceed to the promising love, I might be giving myself only a false belief and will just break the heart of that promising love in the future. I have seen it happened for several times now, no matter how tough the goings get, I just always find myself going back to that love who promises none but the fulfillment of the soul and heart.