Letter of 25-ish

APRIL 21, 2013

Dear Family and Friends,

The truth is, I’m not asking to be understood – but all I ask from you is just some drip of faith to what I do, for my plans. I, myself has no guarantee of this endeavor but I know I could make of something noble someday. It may be hard to find that evidences of hard work and notable beliefs on me now but something inside me whispers that all of these will someday make a perfect sense. It seems unbelievable but believe-me-or-not I’m now on the way of starting up something of a great deed. I just didn’t know exactly what it is – maybe career, lifestyle, or beliefs – whatever it is, it seems like it’s going to create an impact, a positive one.

Call me crazy or disillusioned woman who believes she could give out some remarkable output just by frequent locking up on her room reading bible and novels, watching documentaries on YouTube all day long. Something’s being transformed within me –maybe more confusions and doubts – but slowly, eventually I’m getting to know myself even better. 

Sometimes, it seems like I’m getting close to being insane but never been there totally. Hatred and anger are eventually departing from my heart. Though I still get aggravated and irritated but the feelings just won’t linger. It’s getting clearer to me which paths I don’t want to walk and the paths that I should be abandoning now.

I’m thinking of a new path that I feel like creating – not for everyone to follow but only for them to be an inspiration in creating also their own. 

I don’t wish for someone who will understand but all I ask is someone who can at least be not judgmental.

From now on, I’d rather choose to speak less because from my mouth comes out many evil words. I always bear the tendency to hurt others with the sharpness and frankness of my tongue. So now, I’d rather be as mute when I’m at our home because arguments never fail to bring trouble in my relationship with you kin and folks. I’d rather stay inside my room and suffer the heat that floods this four cornered room than come out and fall under the sight of your judgments. 

I can’t bear to be judged by my own parents – it might even provoke another fight that would only lead me against the law of honoring my parents. I’ve never been a good daughter so now I’m suffering the punishments of my rudeness, impoliteness and disobedience. I’m doomed to live my life in chaos of soul and endless tormenting of depression. I will forever seek for that enlightenment that will be timelessly elusive in darkness… I will dwell in pity and only in Lord’s mercy shall I be redeemed.

Yours for the friendship,

The wandering 25-ish

Wish it was the game

(by: Uel Ceballos)

A child runs forever inside of us

No matter how we aged by the years that expired

We just couldn’t let go of the playful soul

Eyes always sparkle at every mystery to explore

We would always love to stomp on muddy pool

Reveling on the sticky earth that bathed our boots

We grabbed the mud by hands shaping it into balls

We brought our hands to our faces

We had almost eaten the soil

We ran to the stretch of lands wild and free

We jumped high to the air in a sprite spree

We rolled in the meadow and got covered in dusty grasses

We played hide and seek – loved to hide and fancied to be sought after

We danced in the rain with mouth wide open

Catching drops of hopes

We ran in full spirits ‘til we dropped dead panting like dogs

In our grown up years

The child within us still exists

Our magnetism to dirt would never cease

Still covered ourselves with earthly stains

The agitation to explore would fire up even more

We consumed our time in various paces

Sometimes gradual, but often in haste

Our hairs disheveled badly while we tasted drip sweats

Some instances would give us scratches and even mild bruises

High-spirited we rolled in enthrallment of exceeding ecstasy

We danced in perfect impromptu movements

To the beat we swayed with the compelling rhythm

Until we burst out in exploding joy

‘til we lied down catching our breath

We panted really hard like mad dogs

Such a moment of incomparable exaltation

Only bore us scars that never heal

That upon the star every night I say

That of all the fun we did

Wish it was the game we never played.

Merciless Shadow

(by: Uel Ceballos)

Your shadow follows me wherever I go

I have trailed the perilous woodlands,

Have walked the strange footpaths,

While breathing the air of green and savoring the kisses of sunlight

Your shadow just wouldn’t depart

You are the unwanted blackness

That stained my ever vibrant canvas of dazzling rainbows

And sparkling fireworks

You are the icy cold wind that surges me to death

Even under the most scorching heat of the sun

I have conquered the towering greatness of mountain,

Have looked down over fields and plains like a heroic figure

But to you, I forever stoop on my knees

My head bowed low to the soil

Like a spoil from a battle you’ve won,

I was defeated and enslaved.

Your shadow just wouldn’t let me go

You made me sick.

You are the spiteful malady that breaks every bone in my body,

Burns my joints in hellish fire, inflames my vessels to excruciating pain

You gets me bald and exposes me in shame

My eyes are bloodshot by the incessant tears of grieves.

Pus-bearing pustules are all over my face

You’re as cancerous as the dead soul that decays

Within a mortal’s living body

Your shadow beats me without the least of compassion

I’m better off to be dead than to be at your mercy.

UHAW

(Mula sa malikot na isipan ni Love Esios at Uel Ceballos)

Uhaw ang lalamunan,

giniginaw ang buong katawan.

Nanginginig sa maalinsangang gabi

nag-iisip sa kawalan.

Nag-uunahan, tagaktak ng pawis,
sa loob, ang puso'y nangungulila ng labis.

Tumitibok sa mga katanungang hindi mabigyan ng sagot,

kumikirot ang kalooban sa hindi mawaring poot!

Bawat hibla ng katawan, nagsusumamo, sumisigaw...
Patirin mo nawa ang matinding pagkauhaw!

Subalit alingawngaw lamang ang tanging sumagot,

hanggang sa ang sigaw ay unti-unting naging bulong...

GET ENLIGHTENED, RECEIVE THE LIGHT

Once the light extends its ray to the dark pit, the creatures inside usually greet it with amazed thrill, sometimes with a deafening shrill. Either with risen curiosity or exalted emotions, light speaks of something that penetrates deeply to any object or living things it shines on upon. 

A glint of light from somewhere reveals the other world that exists beyond our own realm. It always gives the impression that something wider out there can be journeyed, explored and discovered. Everything that light casts its rays upon, gets exposed and reveals its whole being. Light misses no details once it touches something. It uncovers what has been long hidden, it brightens what used to be obscure and murky, and it emphasizes what seemed to be unnoticed. 

When light shines on something as precious as diamond the light is being refracted as it enters through the stone. Such occurrence brings back the lights up to the table part of the diamond, creating the brilliance that mesmerizes the beholder’s eyes. Without light, the beauty of the diamond is nothing but forever remains an eternal mystery. Diamond needs the light so its pure beauty will be known to all. Diamonds must not keep the lights within but let the lights flow out instead, because trapping the light will not bring the diamond to its finest exquisiteness. The light must be received and be given out so the others may experience its glory. The light as it radiates out of the diamond, reflects itself to the eyes of the observers.

Light is no different to the wind. It always carries with it lots of things that it has accumulated from its travel: history, news, tragedy, hope, memories, and even those things that have been long forgotten in oblivion. Light does not exist to be trapped, but like the water that is meant to flow incessantly, light always finds a way even to the smallest hole opening that it can squeezes through. 

However, as with the diamond, the stone does not always refract the light with expected perfectness. Diamond, a nature’s pride itself can sometimes let the lights slip out on the wrong side, losing the chance to reveal how the beautiful stone looks like. Poorly cut diamond directs the light to escape on the other end of the stone instead on the top area where the light should go out.  Thus, not all diamonds shine at its greatness, but it requires a well cut features for the stone’s loveliness to emanates. 

To be a well cut diamond is not that easy – the stone has to go through painstaking procedures and be shaped accordingly to perfect definiteness. Light alone is not sufficient but the subject receiving it must be honed, developed and purified. 

The light itself is purified that it brings nothing but positive things. Lucky are those who have experienced the darkness because they are able to see the light the moment it comes to their way. But those who have not dwelt into the deepest of pit’s blackness must open their eyes wider to be able to see the light on its time of coming. Many have lived in the brighten days but still unable to see the real light, because their naked eyes refuse to look harder and the others have been blinded by the deceiving light that comes from things that glitter… 

Be a purified and well cut diamond, turn away from the things that glitter too much, seek the light and receive it with all your heart.  

THE MORNING GRANDEUR

The bliss of waking up early just before the dawn cracks the sky is the renewed sensation like that of someone who has risen from the pit of nothingness. The cold whip of the morning’s gentle wind brushing slightly through your cheeks, hair and skin, feels like a satin wrap that embraces you with such remarkable softness. The fog you breathe in calmness brings not only the unique icy smell of dews but the greenish scents of leaves as well. Oh what a lovely moment to behold! There are the sounds of birds chirping their sweet morning hymn, singing along with other morning insects that croon in amazing melody. Then the soft clatters of kitchen utensils start breaking the morn silence, people already rising up, murmuring with husky voices, careful not to awaken those who are still in the glory of slumber. The enticing aroma of garlic and onions sautéed in the heated cooking oil is slowly seeping through the brain and transmitting message down to the stomach, that gradually starting to churn. The hissing sounds of rice being fried along with the mild clank of stirring on the pan create more excitement for the already growing appetite. More to that, the breakfast flagships getting cooked – bacon, hotdog, egg – fill the air with its promising savor. Finally to complete the nearly perfect morning, is the aromatic brewed coffee, of which delicious fragrance complements seamlessly with all the beautiful things that are there in the morning scene. Good Morning!